Author: namastemom18

“Mom, can we make applesauce?” my son asked me. I thought crap.. this kid still thinks I’m good at making things. I better try to think of something. Applesauce can’t be that hard can it? Well… thank goodness it’s not! I threw the following together after talking with a friend who actually knew how to make applesauce:

Ingredients:

4-5 apples (depending on the size)

3/4 cup water

1/4 cup sugar

1/2 tsp cinnamon

How to:

1. Peel, core and slice apples.

2. Put apples slices, water, sugar and cinnamon into a pot.

3. Heat on medium to low (covered) for about 20 minutes (or until apples are soft). Stir it every once in awhile.

4. Once the apples are soft, mash the apples. (I found it best to use a food processor for better consistency and no chunks! My son likes no chunks.)

5. Let it cool for a few and ENJOY!

So easy and he still thinks I make good food. 😀

As I finally get it in my head that I don’t have to get up tomorrow write lesson plans rush to get my kids somewhere make dinner pick up, I breathe. Then I make lists. Lists of things I need to do. Or rather lists of things I think I need to do…. you know organize the linen closet, go through the Tupperware drawer, box up donations, take pictures of the kids’ school projects, etc. You know all the things I should be doing along the way to show my value as a mom, wife and person.

Then I start reading “Girl, Stop Apologizing” by Rachel Hollis. And she speaks to me. She points out that my self worth shouldn’t be based on what someone else thinks of me. It should be based on me. My happiness ratings should be on me. I stop reading… I think what does make me happy? What will make me feel like I’m accomplished?

I think I used to know. In my 20s it was getting my career off the ground. It was getting hired in a top notch district and having my own classroom. I was making a life for myself. I knew what made me happy.

Then somehow things changed. I don’t know how it happened nor did I think it was a “bad” thing at the time. But I started doing more for others and less for me. The definition of what made me a “good person” became how happy or how good I made others feel. Now as I sit here… I think where do I go from here? How do I find me?

I’ve started things to find me again as my babies (now 8 and 11) find themselves. Like I have gone back to the gym and reading more books that I enjoy. But it’s still a work in progress.

School is starting soon.  Just when summer and I were getting along so well.  The “tiny dancer” finished her dance intensive.  And the boy and I were getting into a routine with the gym, house chores and the pool.  And then bam… it’s time to start thinking about school and routines and paper work and a rigid schedule.

I don’t know about you, but when I see those “Back to School” sales out before the last day of school…. I get angry.  Damn you corporate America for not understanding that I need a break; the kids need a break!  Just ask my kids I refuse to even walk by the aisle or look at the last day folders until August.  (Okay, maybe not the folder thing, but the aisle avoidance thing for sure!)

For me not only does it mean that my children will begin their school routine, but as a classroom teacher, it means I will begin mine… and this stresses me out.  It wasn’t always like this.  I used to look forward to the start of a new school year.  I used to look forward to the routine.  Believe it or not, I looked forward to the balancing act.  I even felt this way when my kids were a toddler and an infant.  But in recent years, I dread it.  Not so much for my kids, but for me.  I know you’ve heard it a thousand times, but TEACHING ISN’T WHAT IT WAS!

This time of the year is filled with excitement and anxiety for me every year.  But it seems that lately, it’s also filled with extreme dread.  It’s the dread that I am another year older.  It’s a dread that one the first day of school for staff, I have to stay standing one more extra round while the younger teachers sit down.  It’s also filled with dread that my children, my own children, the ones I birthed, the ones I stress the most over, are another year closer to being “grown”.  I don’t really know when a child is grown.  Is it when they’re in college?  Is it when they’re finished with college?  Is it when they move back in with your after college?  Is it post graduate?  Whenever it is, it scares me.

Note:  While this was started on August 21, 2018.  Post wasn’t completed until September 19, 2018, for publication.

 

 

 

Give it a try they say… What could go wrong?

So I am going to give it a try.  Research, ask questions, do more research, ask more questions and research some more, ask even more questions, get further into more research, you get the idea.  The biggest thing I had to ask myself… what am I good at?  What do I want to share with everyone?  I decided that the only thing I’m good at is… well, I don’t know.  I’ve spent most of my life trying to balance it all and be good at everything that I am not really sure I’m good at anything… I think.  Enter self help books, motivational speakers, and “following” life coaches on social media.  Everyone had an idea of what I should be doing.  I tried it all and you know what I found out?  It’s me… not you.  I am good at things…. I’m good at being a mom, good at being a wife, good at my job (more on that later), and being ME.

So what is this blog going to be about?  It’s about my journey.  It’s about sharing my struggles with you.  It’s about sharing my joys with you. As I am still learning, my life is not about getting to an end result: it’s about going through life.  Let’s go through this journey together.

 

As I sit here and make my first entry, I don’t really know what to make of all this.  I could blog about being a classroom teacher.  I could blog about being a mom.  I could blog about being a wife.  I could give advice.  I could blog about my workouts.  I could blog about books I’ve read.   I could blog about the nice man who thanked me for moving my car when no one else would.  There are so many things out there… what will be my contribution?  I  suppose the “internet” and my experiences will lead me in this journey of blogging.

Thanks for joining me in my journey.

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” -Theodore Roosevelt